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We have endured the most abuse, deaths, and ridicule overtime both in AND out of our communities; no matter if that femininity is boisterously flamboyant or simply, shyly too soft in appearance. It is the feminine gay man that unapologetically allows the spirit of authenticity to flourish into other mannerisms o f the community. Providing comfort and safety for other, more masculine figures to explore without shame who they are. As they are allowed to flicker back and forth between hiding in their heteronormative masculinity.
But to simply BE a feminine self-identifying man who is gay is to walk both in the homosexual and heterosexual world with a target and scarlet letter on our chest. Horrifically more dangerous if you just so happen to be a feminine gay man of color!!! I walk through my life knowing that on some level my feminine ways could bring major harm to my life. As if male femininity — apparently like gayness — is contractable by association. There are some feminine men who are too much even for me. I can choose not to hang with them, but never would I allow myself to think that I should tell them not to be who they believe they are.
They have a right to express themselves in any way, shape or form they so choose, just like I do. No matter the degree of male femininity that one might encompass, it takes courage and bravery to live that fem truth. To be who we are without apology, without hiding, and without being ashamed deserves recognition! Vive Le Femme!!! Hello, my lovelies!
I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season as we lead into the new year of As you may know, I have been writing — on and off — on this blog for four long years now. Lying to you and to myself that the anonymity was for the sake of focusing on the words posted.
However, the real reason I stayed anonymous was that I was ashamed. I was scared to put my face with the — sometimes — raunchy topics that this blog has encompassed. For that very reason, I am coming out! Hi guys, my name is Danyol Jaye.
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However, now you know me for the person behind the words of Diaries of A Fem Bottom! Definitely not heard in the way that people can accept and truly understand. I want to thank those that have supported this blog and those that will continue to support this blog. Happy New Year!!!!! Friendships , Relationships , Sex. Photo by lalesh aldarwish on Pexels.
Hello, my fabulous ones!!! All of which is fine. Navigating my own personal gay life, I have come to find — long before writing this blog — that Gay men — specifically gay men of color — seem to have the hardest time simply being friends if there is no sexual interaction.
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Ya boy got a boo!!! It seems like the Gayberverse is filled with men who are walking around in their alone time yearning and bitching about wanting something that lasts.
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Looking for a connection that hits the depths of their souls rather than just the depth of their loins. Albeit, the pressure to fit in, the fear of being vulnerable, seem to keep every one of us in this cycle of stigma and stereotype that most of us hate but are too afraid to change. Can a top and bottom not be friends without first hooking up? We do! So what say you?
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Is it really feasible for 2 attractive gay men to be JUST friends? Or are we all just destined to get nasty with one another at some point? Black Appropriation , Gay Appropriation. In a time where Black and White is anything but, people have become more aware of and involved in the opposition to the idea of racial or as I like to refer to it, ethnic, appropriation.
As a species, there is only one race and that is the human one. Therefore, racism should really be called ethnicism.
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People — of a non-melanin dominant variety — have begun to see and acknowledge the appropriation of Black culture hair, fashion, lingo, etc. Black folks have started petitions, protests, and even entire movements to fight the appropriation of Black culture among White communities. That we, as people of color, should be honored and flattered that others want to look like us and be like us.
A response that most including myself have had to argue with the following type of statement: In any and all cases, most Black communities agree that ethnic appropriation is wrong. So, why is it, then, that gay appropriation is so much easier to excuse? From fashion to make-up to colloquialisms, it seems that people love to love gay things while not always loving the gay people said things came from! Here are a few phrases coined by same gender loving men that have snuck their way into mainstream media and conversations around the globe: Often becoming catchphrases that a lot of women of color love to steal: Slay, Bitch, Slay — See the above response.
She got it from a good gay Judy of her own! You lightly beat them against the skin in order to apply certain product. Hunty — Oh wait! No, this one was made up by straight women who felt like every Gay man wanted to be called Hunty….. My bad! I know that many people are going to read this blog and automatically go in on me another gay phrase! Appropriation of any kind is wrong. For the same reasons that make ethnic appropriation so disrespectful and negative.
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Someone to keep around to connect them to the new hip and upcoming catchphrase or fashion trend. I feel about this topic as I do the issue of Black celebs hiring Latin and Asian nannies and maids.
It all begs the question to be asked to oneself: How can I fight for the right and respect of my culture and belittle, ignore, or destroy the right and respect of another culture that could have easily been mine? And in some cases WERE! And for those ignoramuses out there that try it another gay term! This is not an AllLivesMatter article!!! No matter what culture is inserted. I peeped his profile and decided to send a nice, short greeting like I always do:.
The response I got was one that immediately aggravated me — not to mention it was rather rude and disrespectful! In reading my profile, he took one statement about my femininity and just ran with it. He assumed that my femininity was something negative that needed to be changed or altered. He furthermore suggested that I needed to seek out therapy to deal with the problems that my femininity has caused and is causing being that my profile states that men always seem to have an issue with me.
My profile in a humorous tone states that I often have guys apologize to me saying that they do not date feminine men. However, in where there are plenty of men who have never experienced such treatment and are far freer to make their own choices and live their own truths, it is in my mind highly offensive to tell a feminine man that his femininity is ONLY the direct result of a slave mentality and oppressive structure built to break him down. I am feminine because that is what has always been natural for me.
It has always been a part of who I am as a human being. However, it does not, has not, and will not rid me of the fact that I am still a man! I have no desire to be a woman, I have no inkling to transition into womanhood as a transgendered female, and to suggest that all feminine men want nothing more than to be a woman is ludicrous to me. I OVERstand that to the societal norm of masculine men, feminine men represent something that they do not want to be labeled as — guilty by association sort of thing.
However, when do these grown ass men resolve within themselves that we are not in high school anymore and that just because you are seen with a feminine man, it does not alter or change your own masculinity? I have a personal experience with the aggravation that all gay men are seen as over-the-top, flamboyant, messy, catty, in-between drag queens. Yet and still, I believe that everyone has the right to be respected for who they choose to be and who they naturally are.
Simply state your non-interest without all the extra and move on.
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You know I advocate for people everywhere to live their life the way they feel they need to. However, can a bitch talk about not wanting to be a side piece! I have, in the last few months, put myself out there on these so called dating apps which every gay man swears are nothing but sex apps just to see if I can catch a good date. Nor should it be any surprise on where I stand about these bisexual boys and DL dudes that really just want to be greedy and keep secrets all day long!
However, it truly pisses me off and disappoints me that cheating and secrets seem to be held to some standard of an infectious disease rather than a lapse in moral code. If alcohol and drugs are addictive to the point of dependency, maybe sex and lying are as well. I find that in the community of Black gay love there is a war having yet to cease going on.
It is a war of the minds. A war that has us men of color doubting and fighting and tearing each other down for things that everyone else is already tearing us down for as a whole.