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Leather bars are disappearing. Thank gentrification, an evolving social climate, a world of tech, and a million other factors. Even the classic, non-leathery gay bar — the drag queen palace, the queer dive, the limp-wristed cocktail lounge, gossip central — is rapidly becoming a artifact of years past, pre-Grindr nostalgia: Leather and the sex communities synonymous with it — kink and BDSM — have transferred its arena of instruction to websites and blogs.

As various internet entities crack down on adult content, we may now reasonably ask how kink and leather will survive. Thankfully it will, because there are a lot of kinky people out there. Support leather bars. Give them your patronage. In many cities, the local leather bar is the last vestige of a public kink community, the last haven for sexual deviants, people who want and enjoy more than simple, vanilla sex with the lights on at the foot of the bed.

If you want more out of sex and want to be around people who do, support our spaces. We need you. They know more than you.

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Kinky men and women of a certain age likely have been doing this before the internet made kink accessible to everyone, before porn became what it is today, before information on fetish scenes was widely available. When they started off, they put in serious work and probably serious travel time to find good equipment and willing players.

Leather bars are places of tolerance — places where you can be the queer, kinky, leather-loving, cum-hungry, rubbery, buckled-up, cigar-smoking, nonmonogamous, polyamorous, daddy-seeking, cocksucking person you are. They are not places where you can be racist. One of the greatest things about kink is its celebration of differences — different bodies, different fetishes, different kinks, different ways to get off.

You must allow your own freedom before you play this way. You must put in the work and the communication to enjoy kink; the hardest part of which is letting yourself explore it when cultural teachings instruct us to feel shame and embarrassment for what we like. This celebration of difference, this core truth, should be enough to tell us that racism has no place here.

Prejudice and discrimination are not welcome, and we should know better.

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This is less a rule of leather bars and more of a reminder to self-described dominants in all scenes: You earn dominance. You earn trust. Flying flails may hit someone nearby. Some men and women in various kink scenes leather, rubber, pup, bootblacking, and so on compete for titles. Generally speaking, winners are expected to compete for community service, for some clearly-stated cause. In the beginning, we raised money for AIDS awareness and advocacy.

Some titeholdes have made it their mission to fight for homeless queer youth or LGBTQ people overseas. All are expected to care about the leather community and its history. Competitions include a degree of pageantry and some public speaking.

A word of warning from Alex Cheves.

They bring our community together. But as always happens in anything involving winners and losers, politics and infighting can sour them. Competitions are fun and made to do good, to give back. Enjoy them. Enjoy the spaces where they happen. Enjoy the people you meet at them. Patrick Smith, the 37th International Mr. Leather titleholder, created Leatherpedia for this purpose — to pass down info on all things kink.

Leather bars and their clientele were among the first to mobilize against AIDS. Learn your history! A harness will probably be the first piece of fetish gear you buy — the foundational building block on which most fetish looks start. Keep one hanging in your closet. Touched down in a new city?

Go to the nearest leather bar. The bartender or someone there will be able to tell you where to go, what places sell gear, what parties are happening, where the guys cruise, where the gayborhood is, and so on. You might say this is true of all gay bars — not so. Many dancey, disco-ball pop bars hire hot straight hunks with no clue about the scene. This is frustratingly true for many gay bars that cater to non-kinky clientele. Being a bartender at a leather bar is different.

It comes with a certain degree of responsibility. Treasure him, this patron saint of the gay leather bar. Tip generously when they fix you a stiff drink. You can get hurt this way. Enjoy it every step of the way. If your first night at the nearest leather bar is a letdown, try again. Avoid sweeping summations of the scene from a few experiences. You may not have to travel far. More cities have bars with leather, fetish clientele than you think.

They deliver the irreplaceable experience of interacting with each other. When you go to a leather bar, you take a step into this idea that we can build a community based around what we like, how we want it, and how we play — and we do. Welcome to the family. All Rights Reserved. Learning leather bars is different from learning life outside the closet.

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